to be loved?

i dont want to be here,
i dont want to see here,
i dont want to feel here.

i want to be numb, motionless,
feeling is just too much,
and not knowing what you feel,
is even worse.

my heart and brain,
all confused,
do i actually want you?
or do i just want to feel loved?

i love it when you compliment me,
i like it when youre next to me,
i like holding your hand,
and sitting in your lap.

but is this how is supposed to feel?
im supposed to be head over heels,
thinking about you all the time.

but im just confused,
i need some time to think,
but i dont have the time.

i think i just want to be loved,
since ive never been before.